Day 038 || Attack Girls Swim Team vs. The Undead

Attack Girls Swim Team vs the Undead, 2007
Dir. Koji Kawano

"Let's begin with apples!"

I debated long and hard whether to write up an actual review for this film, or if for comedic effect (and to be quite to the point) simply write "F*** this movie", and have that serve as the review. For better or worse, I ended up deciding I might as well write up a review for what may be one of the worst films I've ever seen.

Attack Girls Swim Team vs the Undead was something I came across after watch The Machine Girl, which was a dumb, but entirely fun and entertaining Japanese homage to the grindhouse film. It embodied everything the grindhouse film stood for. So being as entertained as I was with The Machine Girl, I looked for more Japanese grindhouse features, and this one seemed to be something the community wholly recommended so I added it to my queue. And come on, all recommendations aside, that name screams dumb fun.

I was wrong.

Instead of a gory, thrillride, I was treated to the Japanese equivalent of a bad Troma film. The first time I noticed something was off was about ten minutes in and it seemed like the director had an eye for shots focused on women's butts or upskirt, panty shots. A little pervy, sure, but forgivable if it's fun and the horror stuff is played up well. Well, it never quite gets fun, and the horror elements are on par with a film made for a school project. Along with the script (if there even was one), and the acting. It's definitely a feat when even through subtitles and a language barrier you can tell the acting is really dreadful.

And going back to the pervy butt and panty shots, at several points I had to fast forward through overly long sex scenes. Often while watching this "film", I wondered if I accidentally came across a Japanese porno, because Attack Girls just reeks of the non-existent budget I imagine a porno flick would contain. And while it's never too graphic or sexually explicit (thank god), it does resemble something softcore and consistently awkward.

Attack Girls Swim Team vs the Undead sounded like it could've been a lot of fun, much in the vein of The Machine Girl, but it ends up being something akin to a reject Troma film...which means no plot, no acting, no budget, but plenty of T&A. If that sounds like it's up your alley, you might enjoy it, because apparently a ton of people do enjoy this as a guilty pleasure. I absolutely hated it, and if it wasn't for the rules established when I started this AFAD project, I would've turned it off at several places. This film actually makes me rethink giving Ong Bak 2 a 0 out of 5, because at least that could be considered somewhat artistic in comparison. To say Attack Girls is one of the worst films I've ever seen, is not hyperbole. It embodies everything a film isn't, and why it's popular in the least bit I will never understand. Avoid this film like the plague it is.

0 out of 5